I'm back into the love language fetish again. I've been having a lot of memories swarming around me, both good and bad that pertain to this subject. This subject has been talked about before, but I thought perhaps I might want to go a little more in depth with the ones I have. I've never taken an official test, but I know what my specific languages are from analyzing my response in past experiences. The first of the two is words of affirmation.
A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that this means to shower someone constantly with compliments. There's more to it than that, and simply those compliments are only appreciated when they are sincere, and I absolutely know the difference. There are also certain things I'd prefer being complimented on more than others.
Why words of affirmation? I've had many instances when people have said things to me that have opened my eyes about myself, because I'd never seen myself that way before. For instance, once in high school, someone told me I was a very loving person, and I never thought of myself that way before. Another complimented me once about how multi-talented I was, and that totally turned around the mindset that I had nothing. Most of all, when someone tells me something good about me or what I've done, I feel encouraged to keep going and not give up. Many times I'll even go the extra mile. It's not as much of relying on other people to make me feel good about myself as it is having a backup, a second witness, a support to help me remember and refocus on what's going right about me.
Personally, I don't need to hear it every day, but I like it every once in a while. In fact, I prefer it to be a little spontaneous--spoken during an unexpected moment. It doesn't have to be in verbalized word. I love sincere personalized notes that pop up out of nowhere. I don't like cards, notes, or letters sent to me with what looks like a cookie-cutter message. It really needs to be a message that is obviously intended for me and no one else, and choose your words carefully, because I'm going to be feeling those.
Words. They have the power to inspire. They have the power to depress. Mixed with someone's tone they can be extremely tender to people like me who are sensitive to those particulars. I detest negativity, because I don't like the way it brings me down. I'm all for the positive, but if you have something negative or a let down to tell me, please be gentle about it, but not too gentle. I've been in situations where there was an effort to appear nice, but there was manipulation of words and in at least one specific memory a little bit of deception. That is a sure way to lose my trust. Even I have my limits on what I'll tolerate.
The last thing I want to mention is this: However you wish to share this thoughtful affirmation, it will be most treasured if it's done with a bit of personality, your personality. I love it when people share a little bit of themselves with me. Again, no generics, because you aren't generic!
Until later.
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| Borrowed from FB, a message being passed around that is a particularly important message for those of us who need those words of affirmation. |
