For example, my company held parties at Christmas and in the summer. I used to love to go to them, because they were the only times I got to interact face to face with the individuals from the other locations. Though I still went to the last couple of Christmas parties, it wasn't without a debate, and I completely skipped out on the summer ones. There was also a time when a movie theater was rented by the company so that the staff could go see a movie after work. I completely skipped out on it.
It wasn't work only. There were the church activities that I used to love participating in. I lost interest in attending them. It was basically all I could do to keep going to church, and often that was a struggle, because I was always so exhausted that it was difficult to stay alert enough to pay attention. I still muddled through it somehow.
With all of this, I think at least part of my emotions became dulled, and I was less sociable as I had been in the past. I began to distance myself a little from people and remember specifically one time when my sister came in to see me, she was a little shocked at my response. I remember overhearing her tell my mom later that evening that she felt like I didn't want her there, which may have been accurate since I wasn't really in a talking mood. She and my other siblings took notice that I was hiding a lot more when they came to the house. I felt bad about that and knew from those comments that something was going on with me, but I didn't know what to do.
I hadn't thought about it until later, but I also tried to shut out my neighbor as well. She was always trying to reach out to me and make sure I was doing fine, which is a good thing, but sometimes it bothered me a little. She happened to try one of these gestures during the worst time of this experience. The phone rang several times. I got e-mails. I got texted. I didn't want to answer, but she wouldn't leave me alone, which is what I wanted. Finally, one day I texted back, hoping the response would make her leave me alone. Nope. She called me and tried to talk to me. That made me mad, and it was all I could do to keep from snapping at her and nearly did so. That's not usual for me to get to that level of anger. I hoped that would settle things down, but nope. A day or two later, she was suddenly stopping by at the house with cupcakes insisting on seeing me. I don't like unplanned visits in the first place, but that upset me. I wasn't in the mood to be bothered and wished she'd leave me alone. Fortunately, I had a short time of reprieve after that until our hike in the fall. I came to see later that the time she was doing that happened to be the exact time I was experiencing burnout, and my mentality wasn't healthy. I looked at her as another threat, which was entirely not her intention. Her gestures were well-meaning, though perhaps a little too persistent, and I've learned that she has always had some struggle understanding me fully, which calls for some patience, and that's something I've been working on since.
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| The two other points are discussed on other posts. This one relates to point #2. |
