I'm a true and blue introvert, so I'm going to come right out and admit that these things are definitely stressful to me, and I often have to deal with some performance anxiety. It seems like normal people who encounters things that scare them and make them uncomfortable would keep them away from things, but I just happen to be one of those weird oddballs that seem to have some weird idea to occasionally boldly step where the sane mind has never gone before. I've gotten myself into a lot of these situations ever since I was young. You'd think I'd get a clue by now, but...naw.
There was a certain post that came across my wall on FB from one of my memories that I shared quite a while ago that was a celebration of surviving another performance successfully. I reposted with a comment, having gone through another one of those taxing situations a month or so before:
I remember how frustrating this all was for me when I was younger, not knowing how to control myself while I was trying to deal with the anxiety. There were far too many moments of humiliation and embarrassment while I fell apart in front of everyone, so when people struggle with having to do these things, I understand why they hesitate or don't want to do them. I'm not used to the attention or the spotlight, so these things can be extremely uncomfortable. So why do I still do them? Pure madness, that's got to be it. 😁
I asked this question a lot when I was a teen. I recognized that I was going for things that were far out of my comfort zone and not at all easy for me. It was difficult and often felt impossible to accomplish, and I guarantee most things didn't pass without tear-filled frustration or heartbreak. I remember one time talking with a sister about this and wondering why in the world I was interested in things that were so uncomfortable to me. I remember saying to her once that it felt like I was meant to experience it. I don't know how to explain outright what I meant by making that statement, but I do have to say that learning those lessons of handling personal struggles at that time often helped in other times and places when I found myself in a difficult situation, though I still feel like that statement applies.
Many of those situations help me learn about myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, and where I stand in my personal needs or goals. Some I've grown or learned from, and as it was in my statement before, it's nice to see the changes from where I was to where I am. That's one of my favorite parts of life, being able to observe the progress that has been made along the way. It's one of the most beautiful things to witness.
Keep going, it's worth it!
